Life on the Front Lines

LIFE CREEPS AWAY

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 23:47:00 -0800

Sometimes I become so focused on what I need to do I don’t realize how distant it is I have become from what I truly want. My dreams, my desires at times have to sit in the backseat while I do the business of living and then when I reach back to see how they’re doing, they’ve disappeared. Who knows where they go. All I know is I have to restart from GO. I have to recreate just what it is I wanted in the first place.

I hadn’t even realized until tonight that it’s been five months since my last entry in Life on the Front Lines. Things have been extremely busy. I am writing more than I have since I published BAST magazine and I’m nearly as busy. I’ve even sold a couple pieces of my art since the last time I posted a blog.

And then there’s hockey. Yep, lots of it too. You can read about it in THE BULLS SHEET at: thebullssheet.blogspot.com if you want.

It’s been rainy and cold lately, as it always is in late December. It’s been a time of solitude, though that’s always the case. As much as I don’t want to always be a singular number, it seems to work out that way. I think this is the way with artists. We cannot do our best work when we are surrounded by others. I’m glad I’m not the person who refuses to do things by themself. I would never do anything if that were true!

But I continue on, knowing that my dreams haven’t really disappeared. I know they are still here somewhere. Maybe there a little buried or displaced under a few pounds of crap that I need to haul away. Now, it’s up to me to call out a few friends for help to lift those pounds when I need it. And I know I’m not good at asking for help. I’ve been self-sufficient for most of my life and sometimes my pride gets in the way.

So, I guess if I was going to ask something from Santa this year, it would be two things:

1) A little humility, and the ability to ask for help when I need it, rather than suffer through the pain alone.

2) Have more kindness towards others, even when my life isn’t going so well. No, especially when things aren’t so hot. Strangers you meet on the street don’t care if your day is messed up, so be nice to them. And that’s what I need, to be nicer to people.

So, those are the two presents I want from Santa. Material things I don’t need. They don’t mean anything in the end. I’m not impressed by people who own a lot of things. I don’t care. Material wealth doesn’t buy happiness. If you’re not a happy person to begin with, owning a lot of things isn’t going to make you happy. The happiest people I’ve ever seen have always been the poorest, and I’ve traveled around the world, to most continents, so I know.

I can’t make any promises, but I will try to write more in here in the coming year. I hope all your Christmases are good ones!

Martha

12/22/12

2012 OLYMPICS AND NEW FOUND LOVE

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 20:59:58 -0700

August 17, 2012

I watched this year’s Olympics from London and liked some of the events and didn’t like others. I found the coverage by NBC to be C-/D+. I give them a low score mostly because of their insistence to always have USA teams in Primetime, or if not the USA teams, they had to have females in slinky/sexy clothes, making the continually repeated mistake that females don’t watch sports.

My one favorite event to watch was the Men’s Marathon. I woke up at 4:00am Sunday morning. Yes, I am crazy. But I loved watching it so much, it was worth it! And it was already one hour into the race! And what a race it was! The Marathon IS the Olympics. It was the very first event of the very FIRST Olympics, so it has more meaning than all other events put together. Plus, I love distance running so much that I can’t turn away.

I don’t see the point of Gymnastic dancing with Ribbons. What’s up with that? Save it for a PBS station. I’m sure they’d love it there. Boring. So, imagine my dismay when I say that the FINAL MATCH of the Men’s Beach Volleyball game was NOT on and instead they were showing Little Girl Gymnastics dancing around with stupid ribbons. First, it’s NOT Women’s Gymnastics. If they were women, they’d be TOO OLD to compete! So call it what it is. Little Girls who’ll be so messed up they may not ever be able to have children do to messed up reproductive organs and anorexia. OK, that’s a little long, but you get the point.

And then there’s Women’s Beach Volleyball. The American Team is good, fine, I’ll give them that. But what the hell is up with the one screeching like a mother-in-law calling hogs from the side of a hill in Kentucky? Jeez, I couldn’t watch she was so annoying. Is her partner deaf? How could she handle it? It was more annoying than women’s tennis if that’s possible! And men are sooo funny. They drooled all over her as if they couldn’t hear that incessant screeching. Talk about selective hearing.

Our women had our time when the Brazilian Men’s Team played. If you missed him, Alison Cerutti is who I’m talking about. This is him:

And this is his smile:

And one last look. Are you ready, because I saved the best for last. Get ready….

Told you he was a hottie!!!! Now, let’s pack our bags and go to RIO!!!!!!!!

Trust in the Universe

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 22:38:00 -0700

July 3, 2012

My mother had a lot of sayings that had been passed down from her mom and her mom before her. Wise old sayings, from Northern Europe where her mother was from. One of them was “It will all come out in the wash.”

And things do. The problems that bother us will work themselves out. This doesn’t mean that we don’t need to take action or do something about them. It just means that after we take the necessary measures, and what can be done is done, the Universe and the Gods will do the rest and we have to stop fretting over things.

It is at times such as these, when I find myself repeating, sometimes, over and over again…”I trust in the Goddess and the Universe. I trust in the Goddess and the Universe.”

I had a problem this week which would have cost me a great deal of money. The City of San Francisco was deadset on charging me for taxes on the magazine I used to publish $90.00 in 2010, two years after I shut it down. It took me an hour of waiting at City Hall, but after talking to the clerk, she agreed with me and the charges are wiped off.

It doesn’t always work out this way, and even when things happens that affect us negatively, the Universe and what God we choose to believe in, is there to protect us. This is what I believe and trust. It is more than faith. Faith is hoping that something is true. Trust is knowing it is true. I live and know that the Universe protects me.

Just a little Henrik treat for summer. I miss hockey! (7/3/12)

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 22:29:30 -0700

Just a little Henrik treat for summer. I miss hockey! (7/3/12)

Summertime, And the Living Is.....

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 18:37:00 -0700

June 16, 2012

Whatever to you make it.

Today is my 7th Birthday. 7 years ago today, I decided that drinking myself into blackouts, having 2-day hangovers and apologizing to everyone who would still speak to me is no way for a 40-Something to live, so I quit drinking.

And I never looked back.

This is not to say I haven’t even thought of drinking again, but I really haven’t been tempted or even wanted to drink again. And as the days wear on and turn into years, the thought of drinking booze is so alien to me that I can’t imagine drinking ever again.

Now, I will never say that there won’t be a time when I won’t want to drink again. As The Big Book says, alcohol is cunning and will sneak up on us when we least expect. I am after all, a flawed human. And I know better than to think of myself as anything more than that. So, I still go to meetings, infrequently now days, but I still go and I still read The Big Book, very frequently.

In fact, my favorite way to read TBB is to just turn open a page a read from it. I always learn something or remember something I should have remembered. It’s a brilliant work of writing.

For example: “I did come to the conclusion that I was willing to put everything I had into it, with God’s power, and that I wanted to do just that. A soon as I had done that, I did feel a great release. I knew that I had a helper whom I could rely upon, who wouldn’t fail me.” God, or the Goddess or one’s Higher Power will never fail us. This is the true strength and power of AA and the “secret” in staying sober. We are not the mightiest. We are not the greatest. There is greater than us and if we trust in them, all will be well.

Now, it’s summer and life can be good. There will be bad times with the good, but because I AM SOBER and because I WILL STAY SOBER, I can handle the bad with the good.

Face your problems, face your issues and know that if you need help, it is there for you, even if you feel alone. I’m not a bible-thumper. If I was to be labled, I’d say I was Pagan, Wiccan. But I do believe that we as humans, do better believing is something greater than our own Self. Even if you are an Atheist, then believe in the power of Nature. She is a mighty force and will serve the same purpose. And now I’m going to enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Blessed be!

BEAUUUU-TEEEE-FUL day in San Francisco!!!! 6-16-12

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 18:25:50 -0700

BEAUUUU-TEEEE-FUL day in San Francisco!!!! 6-16-12

I’m very bummed over the ending of the Rangers season. I...

Fri, 25 May 2012 21:54:00 -0700

I’m very bummed over the ending of the Rangers season. I was even more bummed over the ending of the Sharks of course, but after the Rangers loss tonight, I don’t really care what happens in the Finals….hockey’s over until next season for me. This is the perfect song for tonight. Spiritual Beggars - Mantra (live)

Musings over a lost season and more at the end of the 2012 Hockey Season

Thu, 24 May 2012 18:17:00 -0700

May 23, 2012

I’ve been engrossed in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. In fact, I’ve scheduled my life around them. The Sharks were booted out early. That was disappointing, but not surprising. I wrote about their disastrous season here: http://sports-kings.com/aroundtherink/?p=320. And, as it turns out, I don’t expect much more from their upcoming season because Todd McLellan will stay on. I don’t believe this is good at all. In fact, it’s terrible for the reasons I say so in my piece, as well as I few more I didn’t include in the piece and may talk about at a later date. So, this time next year, I will state again how he needs to go. Then, I hope I get people on my side instead of being put down for my beliefs.

And yes, I have been put down for not supporting TMc’s return. Sharks fans are loyal…to a fault. Many refuse to see reality and just want to be cooed with pretty words and positive gestures. This seems to keep them complacent through the year until they realize that their team may not even make the playoffs, let alone have a chance at the Cup. And, even when the Sharks do make the Playoffs, many fans haven’t followed the teams stats close enough to understand that just because a team is in the First Round or sometimes the Second doesn’t mean they’ve got enough strength, talent, offense, defense, you name it, to go all the way. I doubt the Sharks go get all the way this year, even if we had faced another opponent other than St Louis in the First Round. But that’s another subject for another day.

The people who got mad at me on Twitter were divided into primarily two camps. Mostly between the females and males. I say mostly because there were two young-ish males in the female group. (Mind you, there were quite a few Sharks Tweeple pissed off at me.) I was unfollowed by many and I also unfollowed several people because of the crappy Sharks season. No loss, but I thought it amusing enough to write about.

The female group who criticized me, was, to a tee, and I’m sorry to sound sexist about it, completely emotional in their responses. It was all about ”supporting our team” and ”why can’t you wait until the new season starts” and “why do you have to be so negative”…and the like. But, you see, as far as being positive, I’m about as positive as a person can be. I’m always looking for the silver lining. I’m the one trying to cheer up a sad friend, or trying to keep the morale up at work. But, I am also a realist. And, if I think something’s not right, I will say just that. People don’t like to hear the truth, especially people who think with their hearts rather than their heads. They want to be lulled into a false sense of security in their team; they don’t want to think that their team may not be the best. Look, I’m not the one making the bad decisions, I’m just pointing it out! Don’t get mad at me, get mad at the people in charge of the team. I guess to some it is better to pretend all is right than to really know it isn’t. I think that’s sad.

OK, that was the female half. The male half equally thought emotionally, but pretended they didn’t. There were no female crossovers in this group. They covered it up with arrogance, bully tactics and trying to overwhelm me with attitudes that their opinions carried more weight and are therefore more important because they are 1) more intelligent, 2) have been fans longer and/or 3) can bullshit better than me. All three of these may be true, but that still doesn’t make their opinions more worthy. No one’s opinions are more worthy than anyone else’s.

There were many more who agreed with me and even more still who said nothing. No one knows how they feel and they’re probably the smartest for not saying anything. Believe it or don’t believe it, I have kept my mouth shut plenty of times, but sometimes, I can’t help but speak out.

Anyway, I said my peace over McLellan’s inadequacies. Saying any more before the new season, unless it is to agree with someone or unless I’m just feeling like getting into an argument, would just be useless.

And besides, hockey, how are things going? My sewing is going well, although my Etsy site is a dud so far. I don’t really know how to get people to visit it and buy my stuff. Work, lol…no comment. And my personal life is well, pretty quiet and sometimes lonely. Not sure how to change that either. At least it’s a long weekend and some rest to look forward to.

And I hope Henrik can help the Rangers get the two wins to take them to the Cup Finals. I’m rooting for you King Henrik!

Enjoy Memorial Day Everyone!

Goddess Bastet as Cat

Wed, 02 May 2012 06:40:51 -0700

Goddess Bastet as Cat

Spring - May 2, 2012

Wed, 02 May 2012 06:38:44 -0700

“The only constant is change”

This is so true!

I do love Spring! I love the fresh produce at the Farmers Markets. I love the strawberries, just picked that morning. I love the fresh garlic and onions. The spell of fresh flowers, the warming of the air, the bright sunshine. I love my energy picking up and the desire to wear shorts instead of sweaters.

These days, I’m more in shape than ever and I look forward to the warmer weather of summer. At least, I hope we have warm weather this summer. We were robbed last year. San Francisco hardly had any warm weather, so let’s hope we actually get some nice weather this year.

I haven’t been able to run for about a week because I overdid it by trying to run five days a week instead of four. I’ll start running again Thursday and go back to my older schedule and try not to push it too hard. Now I’m not sure if I can run the half marathon I wanted to in July, but if I can’t, so be it.

The Sharks are out of the Playoffs, but I’m watching every one of the game anyway. And I’m completely obsessed with Henrik Lundqvist, the best-looking man I’ve ever seen! :)

Henrik Lundqvist: best goalie, and most handsome man on Earth.

Wed, 02 May 2012 06:32:00 -0700

Henrik Lundqvist: best goalie, and most handsome man on Earth.

Best Time of Year! - April 11, 2012

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 13:14:30 -0700

Busy days! Things are moving along, some good, some not-so-good as usual in life. This is one of my favorite times of year: Hockey Playoff Season!

I’m more into hockey than ever this year and I decided not to just be a casual observer. I’ve started writing for a website (I’ll give the link later) called Sports-Kings. My first piece was my reasoning on why the Sharks are going to beatSt Louis in the first round of the Playoffs.

Playoffs in any sports are great to watch. It is the best of the best battling for supremacy. In hockey, this seems to take on even greater magnitude. Sir Stanley’s Cup is the greatest Sports Trophy there is. I dare you to say otherwise!

National writers have all takenSt Louis to win this first series. But what they’re not understanding is that the Playoffs are like a whole new season. The play between the teams before shouldn’t count. Wipe the board clean and start over. This is anyone’s to win and I think the Sharks are going to take it. It won’t be easy, but it will be exciting.

I’ve been a harsh critic of the Sharks. I have not held my tongue when it came to shoddy goaltending, lazy skating, lack of defense or the Penalty Kill. I rolled my eyes when McLellan’s coaching came into question or when the team’s leadership was under scrutiny. It wasn’t easy thinking my Beloved Sharks were washed up. It was even harder watching it happen.

But now we’ve made it into the post season. And I’m writing about it. Below is my first entry in what I hope will be a long and prosperous run to the Cup.

Life is busy now, which is always good. My writing, which had been in a semi-frozen state is active again. My sewing continues, though with some frustrations as a lack of Etsy sales; (I have yet to figure out how to generate sales through there), my running is going very well and my weight loss is starting up again.

Spring is here and let the Stanley Cup Playoffs begin!!!!!

Galiardi & Braun, The Shark Tank March 15th, 2012

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 11:39:13 -0700

Galiardi & Braun, The Shark Tank March 15th, 2012

Jumbo Joe at The Shark Tank March 15, 2012 vs Nashville Preds We...

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 11:20:17 -0700

Jumbo Joe at The Shark Tank March 15, 2012 vs Nashville Preds We won!!!

Aquarius

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 22:18:56 -0800

Aquarius

Grinding, Grinding.... February 27, 2012

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 22:16:02 -0800

It’s been cold here the last couple of days. I went for a run around Lake Merced yesterday and it was 39 degrees at 10am. Which for San Francisco, is unusual for late February. At least it kept me running; I would have been too cold if I had walked.

The stretch from President’s Day weekend until Memorial Day is long and dreary. The days are dark and we long for the warmth of the sun and the promise of brighter mornings, happier times. Our ancestors really relied on the days to grow. Without the emerging sun, there would be no crops, no food, no nothing.

We never think of the year as a wheel, with everything connected, going in a circular motion. I like to think that everything is connected. We are all connected to one another. It makes this big world seem not to large; makes things seem not so cold, not so lonely. And maybe, in a small way, it makes me seem not so inconsequential.

Each of us has a part. Whether we know what our role is, we have one. The Great Ones know what that is and it is up to us to figure out where our individual paths will lead us. We must follow our own path. These paths may cross other paths, and at times may be shared by others, but make no mistake, they are our OWN paths. We determine where we will go. If we choose the high or the low path, it is our choice to make.

And this is FREEDOM! This should bring joy to each of us! The joy of being a fully thinking, breathing, living human being! Yes, life is difficult. Yes, it hurts and sometimes is so painful we do not want to go on. But, we choose to go on. We chose LIFE. We choose to fight our way. Sometimes, scratching the earth. But we keep going on our paths. And if we choose the right way, the good way, the way of truth and light and purity and kindness and use our heart and our head and our courage, then whatever happens, it will be OK. It will be.

Appreciate What You Have and Who You Are

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:20:52 -0800

I spend a lot of time on Twitter. Many of my friends are hockey fans, ok, fanatics like myself. One of my friends is a little 10-year-boy who has Stage 4 cancer. He lives in Colorado and is an die-hard Avs fan. His name is Matty and he loves hockey. All he wants to do is live his life and play hockey. But no, he has to deal with a fucked up disease called cancer.

I talk to him on Twitter as much as I can. The Avs team players have given him signed gear, pucks, sticks; he has all that stuff…all he wants are friends to talk to, people to keep him busy so he can smile and enjoy his life as much as he can. I also try to get other Tweeps to follow him and talk to him. He’s a great kid. He’s happy and always has a kind word and is positive most of the time.

He went through another surgery today. Sigh….his mother is an amazing woman. I have been emailing her. His whole family are beacons of strength. I only hope I can be a friend and help then in just a small way. I will pray for them and pray that I have the strength to give them something….though I don’t know what it is I can give. What the Goddess has sent me here for; only She knows. It is for me to discover.

I can’t write anymore or I’ll start crying. Matty’s a good kid and he deserves to live. He deserves to play hockey. He deserves to see more Avs games in person. He deserves to be with his family, not stuck in a hospital bed.

So if you think you have problems, think of this little boy who can’t go to school, can rarely leave the hospital, can’t play hockey, can’t go see a game, can’t play with other kids, can’t do anything the other kids do and then really….do you really have problems? Really?

Outshined - Soundgarden Yep

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 08:28:00 -0800

Outshined - Soundgarden

Yep

Dead Tree - finished 1/26/12. MY latest drawing. I draw at lunch...

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:05:20 -0800

Dead Tree - finished 1/26/12. MY latest drawing. I draw at lunch during work. It relaxes me and helps me get through the work day.

Long, Cold Winter January 27, 2012

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:37:04 -0800

Sometimes it seems I am all alone. In the darkness of night, or the early morning hours, I am alone. I have a few great friends, and I love them, but it seems not enough.

I’m trying to expand my friends base and this seems to be a nearly impossible task. I don’t drink, so I don’t go out to bars. I don’t have money, so I don’t go to clubs. I do a lot of sewing at home, so it’s hard to get involved in things outside of my apartment. I’m trying to meet people online, but all the ads seem to be written by creepy people. The last thing I want to do is meet some weirdo(s).

I went to an AA meeting tonight. It was a women’s meeting. I had been to a women’s only meeting once before, but it was dreadful. This one was pretty cool. I think I’ll go back. They were nice enough. But I don’t know if any of them would be friends with me.

What I really want in my Dream of Dreams is to have a couple of friends to go to hockey games with…to watch hockey games with…to maybe go to metal shows with…to talk about things we are all interested in!!! I don’t have anyone to talk to about things anymore. It seems I lost all the friends I have things in common with because I was so sick for so long. All those friends moved on and left me in the dust….The friends I have, they are wonderful, but it is a very short list. I would like to make my friends list a little longer. Is this so wrong?

I don’t mean to sound so sad, I’m not really, just being truthful here. It will take time to find new friends. I know this.

So my search continues. I will write about this more as moves along….